Memoirs of a Mechanic
by SIGF
Summary: When Simon wants to leave Serenity, will Kaylee be able to leave the ship she loves and go with him? Post-BDM. Kaylee/Mal, with some Kaylee/Simon.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Memoirs of a Mechanic

**Summary:** When Simon wants to leave _Serenity_, will Kaylee be able to leave the ship she loves and go with him? Post-BDM.

**Spoilers: **The Big Damn Movie, possibly a few episode references here and there

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Firefly, cause if I did I'd make damn sure that it was still on the air. All the characters belong to the amazingly talented Joss Whedon, and not me. I'm just going to play with them for a little while.

**Pairings:** Kaylee/Mal, with some Kaylee/Simon until then

**Author's Note: **If you read this, please let me know what you think of it :)

**Important Story Note**: This is going to be a Kaylee/Mal story, even though it might not seem like it at first, so if that bothers you, I wouldn't recommend reading this.

* * *

Floating somewhere in the vast depths of space was a ship. This ship, a Firefly model, was nothing extraordinary -- at least upon first glance. But if you bothered to look beyond the chipping paint, and paid no mind to the chunks of metal that occasionally fell off its frame, you'd come to learn that there was, in fact, something very special about this ship. It's name was _Serenity_.

Aboard _Serenity_ was a motley crew, to be sure. Take the captain – he was a former rebel, nothing but a washed-up browncoat, yet there was no man more loyal to his friends and crew. Under his command were a basketcase-cum-pilot, a dedicated first mate, a stiff (but genius) doctor, and a menacing (but dim-witted) mercenary. There was also a young woman with a naturally cheery disposition and an affinity for engines – the ship's mechanic, of course – and her name was Kaywinnit Lee Frye.

Kaywinnit Lee, or Kaylee as she was known to her friends, hummed quietly while tending to _Serenity_'s engine, softly harmonizing with the ship's gentle purr. That wasn't a surprise, though -- anyone on board the ship could tell you that Kaylee and _Serenity_ always seemed to be in tune with one another.

She loved being in the engine room because she always felt at peace there. Problems often came up, just like in the real world, but these were problems that she could always fix. The solutions were usually simple, whether she had to get a new part, do some fine-tuning, or just add a little bit of extra love and care to her work.

Kaylee's peaceful humming was soon disrupted without warning, however, once Simon (the aforementioned doctor) bustled into the room with a sense of urgency. If she hadn't seen her boyfriend make his entrance, she certainly would have heard him come in with all the commotion he was making. Reluctantly letting herself get distracted from her work on the engine, Kaylee was shocked to find an emotion on Simon's face that she wasn't accustomed to seeing -- pure, unadulterated joy.

As was usually the case with people's emotions, she found his to be infectious, and soon a large smile found its way to her lips as well. She was about to ask what all the fuss was about when he cheerily picked her up and twirled her around in a circle. A squeal of delight left her throat as she was in the air, and she wondered what in the 'verse could have gotten into Simon. He certainly wasn't being his usual reserved self.

"Simon, what's goin' on?" she asked laughingly, excited to hear what she knew would be good news.

"Oh, nothing," he said in a tone that told her there was definitely _something_, and that something was going to be big. "You're just looking at your non-fugitive boyfriend," he said casually.

"What?" she asked in complete surprise, and if possible, her smile got even larger.

He beamed back at her and took a deep breath, as if he was trying to stop himself from bursting. "There are no longer warrants for the arrests of River and I on the Cortex. The Alliance must have realized that it's useless to find us now that the truth has come out about Miranda. River and I are finally free," he said with so much emotion that he almost choked on his words.

"_Shensheng de gaowan_!*" Kaylee shouted and leapt onto Simon, wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist.

Using his strong arms to hold her up, he laughed happily and pressed his nose against hers. "Interesting choice of words," he commented.

"I don't care much for words right now," she told him and kissed him longingly, as she had many-a-time before in that very room.

He returned her kiss with an equal amount of passion, and awkwardly carried her over to the hammock so that he could prop her down. Once he did, he started kissing her neck and she arched it back, partly because she wanted to give him easier access and partly from reflex. His kisses slowly trailed along her neck, heading upward toward her ear and making Kaylee shiver. "Now… this means… that I can finally… leave _Serenity_," he said between kisses, enjoying the feel of her skin under his lips.

Kaylee's eyes shot open at his words and she felt as if she had been slapped. Like a popped balloon, she was deflating with frightening speed. Immediately pushing him away, she looked searchingly into his hungry eyes. "What do you mean, leave _Serenity_?" she asked.

A frown found its way to Simon's features, and he hesitated a moment before talking. "Well, now that I'm no longer a fugitive I planned on trying to start a life somewhere," he told her.

His words sliced at her heart, and Kaylee understood all too well what they implied.

Simon had never been excited about living on a spaceship. Now that he finally had the chance to go somewhere else, he wouldn't think twice about leaving her behind. Swallowing the lump that had suddenly appeared in her throat, Kaylee stood up, leaving Simon sitting alone on the hammock. "Well, I hope you have a nice life then," she said and walked away, not knowing where she wanted to go but just knowing that she wanted to get away from him.

"Kaylee!" he called out in a panic-stained voice. He reached for her before she could flee, making her turn around and face him. "I don't think you understood me," he said softly, using his thumb to wipe away the tears that had fallen onto her cheeks. "I want you to come with me."

"Come with you?" she asked with a furrowed brow, as if the idea of leaving _Serenity_ was so foreign to her that she couldn't even understand it.

"Yes, Kaylee. Come with me," he repeated slowly, letting her soak in the words.

"But… but _Serenity_'s my home, Simon," she protested feebly, wondering why he couldn't comprehend that.

"I know, Kaylee, I know," he replied, but she could tell from the tone of his voice that he really didn't know at all. "But you can't expect to live in a spaceship forever, can you?" he asked.

She was too self-conscious to tell him that she had, in fact, expected that very thing. As long as _Serenity_ was in the air and as long as Mal would let her, she'd planned to stay. _Serenity_ was more than a home to her— _Serenity_ was her life.

"Think about it Kaylee," he started, as a faraway look entered his eyes. "We could live in a house or an apartment together. I'd work in a hospital, making a comfortable living, and maybe someday we could get married."

"Married?" she asked with wide-eyes, wondering if his words counted as a proposal.

"Well, yes," he said somewhat awkwardly, looking at her unsurely. "Have you never thought about it?"

"I guess I have," she said truthfully, "but I always imagined us living here afterward. Like Zoe and Wash did…" she trailed off sadly, sobering at the thought of the fallen pilot.

Simon sighed heavily and took her hands in his. "Kaylee, I love you," he told her and her mouth involuntarily opened in surprise. It was the first time he'd ever said those words to her in their six-month relationship. She was about to speak but he silenced her with his finger, needing to finish what he had to say. "I love you," he repeated, "but I can't stay here. Not for the rest of my life. So now it's up to you to decide whether you want to come with me or not."

Squeezing his hands tightly, she felt the tears from before starting to reform in her eyes. "I… I need more time, Simon," she told him and looked at him pleadingly.

He nodded, as if he had expected her to say something of the kind. "I can give you that," he said gently. After kissing her lightly on the cheek he walked out of the room, pausing at the doorway. He opened his mouth, as if meaning to say something, but then thought better of it and continued walking.

Kaylee watched him leave and then cuddled into herself on the hammock, unable to stop the oncoming barrage of moisture from releasing itself from her hazel orbs. A million thoughts assaulted her mind at once, but one silenced all the others. "If I really love Simon as much as I should," she whispered to herself, "then why is my heart telling me to stay with _Serenity_?"

* * *

*_Shensheng de gaowan!_ = Holy testicle Tuesday!

**Note:** Should I continue? Please let me know if you'd like to read more.


	2. Chapter 2

**Important story note:** The sections in italics indicate flashback scenes. This is going to be common throughout the story, so I hope all the jumping from past to present isn't too confusing. Oh yeah, any mention of engine or ship parts is just made-up stuff, I really have no idea about that kind of thing.

Also, I want to give a big thank you to the people who reviewed... you are the ones who inspire me to keep going :).

* * *

_Mal was watching his new mechanic as she fidgeted nervously in the bridge of the ship, clearly eager for takeoff. A knowing smile painted his features as he recalled his own first time going off-planet and entering space - Kaylee really had no idea what she was in for. Tilting his head until his lips were level with her ear, he whispered, "Are you sure you're ready for this?" The huskiness of his voice fused itself with her excitement, effectively sending shivers down her spine. "Last chance to change your mind."_

_"Trying to get rid of me already?" she asked playfully, eliciting a light chuckle from the captain. "Let's go and do this," she said excitedly, knowing that if they didn't leave soon her heart would surely jump out of her chest. It was all too much to take in, really. Only hours ago her day had been just like any other, leaving no hint that her life was about to take an extraordinary turn. Then she met Bester, who'd taken her aboard _Serenity _and showed her the engine room, at her request. Assuming that she knew nothing about ships, he had pointed out some of _Serenity's _parts and their functions. When he'd mixed up the intake port with the exhaust port she had wanted to correct him, but instead she'd just listened with a smile. _

_Now she was standing on the bridge of that same magnificent ship, waiting for her new life to begin. Leaving her family behind had caused her more than a twinge of sadness, but the captain had helped to ease that a little. Not by doing anything in particular, really, but there was just something about his nature that made her feel comfortable. Around him she felt protected, and she knew instinctively that he'd take care of her. _

_"Wash, let's get this bird in the air," the captain said to the man with the funny mustache. _

_"You got it," the pilot replied as he concentrated on the controls, contentedly obeying Mal's command._

_Taking off was smoother than Kaylee thought it would be. It amazed her that she couldn't even tell the difference between being in the air and not being in the air. She held her breath as nothing but clouds and sky flowed past the ship, wondering if she'd ever seen anything so beautiful. _

_If she thought _that _was something special, though, her mind was totally blown when the ship left atmo and entered space. The sight of the endless black sprinkled with millions of stars made her eyes go wide and her mouth fall agape. Seeing her home planet alongside the ship overwhelmed her with a feeling she knew she'd never had before._

_And that's the moment when _Serenity _became her first love._

* * *

When Kaylee didn't show up for dinner, Mal wasn't particularly worried. It happened often enough that she got caught up in her work, caught up in _Serenity_, and lost track of time.

He'd given her a clock once with a timer alarm, after she'd called him out on his bluff – apparently, she wasn't too intimidated by the phrase "The captain waits for nobody," even though he'd inflected such talk with as much grumpiness as humanly possible. Just a day after he'd given her the item, though, she was late for dinner yet again. As it turned out, she'd lost track of time in her new project - taking apart the clock and seeing how she could integrate its components into the engine.

So yes, he was used to waiting on his mechanic when it came to the ritual of the evening meal. Mal let out a grumble, ranting somewhat incoherently about a certain member of his crew never being on time, but a sentient smile from River illustrated that she knew his grouchiness was just an act. He didn't even have to look at Zoe to know that she wasn't fooled, either.

Giving River a sharp glance, Mal decided to abandon his tirade and instead focused on the hungriest person at the table. "Jayne, you'd best call Kaylee over the intercom and tell her that dinner's ready," he ordered his mercenary, knowing that Jayne was eager start eating. A loud grumble echoing from the man's stomach only confirmed the captain's suspicions.

"Actually, I don't think she's coming," Simon commented, diverting Mal's attention from thoughts of dinner.

"You two have a fight, then?" Mal asked, eyeing the doctor disapprovingly. It was exactly for reasons like this that he had a policy against shipboard romances – clearly, they only caused problems. Not to mention the fact that he didn't like the thought of anyone yelling at his mechanic.

"Well, no, not exactly," Simon replied. Swallowing slowly, he looked around at everyone, knowing that he'd have to share his plans with them sooner or later. "I guess now's a better time than any to tell you all," he started. "Since River and I are no longer fugitives, we'll be leaving the ship at the next convenient destination."

Anyone at the dinner table who claimed to be shocked by Simon's announcement would certainly be lying, but no one was particularly happy to hear the news – except Jayne, of course, since the mercenary had never quite managed to feel comfortable around the Tams. Glancing over at River, Mal inquired of his pilot, "So you're okay with this, then?"

She only nodded in response, forcing a slight smile to her features. River loved being on _Serenity_, the place she'd learned to call home after the Alliance had made her their personal pet. It didn't take her mind-reading powers, though, to know that Simon wouldn't leave the ship without her. He had given up everything once in order to rescue her from captivity, becoming a fugitive in the process, and she felt that it was only fair for her to give him his life back.

"So, Kaylee must be upset that you're leaving then," Mal remarked to Simon, and his heart went out to his mechanic. Remembering how he felt when Inara had left after the Miranda incident, he knew that Kaylee would likely be hurting. It was no wonder why she wouldn't show up at dinner, hearing such upsetting news. Maybe he could put together enough money to buy her some strawberries at the next port. Sure, strawberries were a poor substitute for what she was losing, but Mal knew that with a little extra care, she'd get over the pain eventually - just like he had.

"Actually, I've asked her to come with me," Simon responded calmly.

Mal nearly choked on his water, and after coughing up a few milliliters of liquid, he stood up angrily. "You did _what_?" he asked, bewildered at Simon's nerve. Somehow, he hadn't expected this, and he certainly didn't take well to being blindsided. "You had _no_ right!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize that she was a prisoner on this ship," the doctor said with his characteristic deadpan sarcasm.

"She _ain't_," Mal confirmed forcefully. "But I don't appreciate you tryin' to take both my pilot and mechanic away in one fell swoop!"

"Well, since Kaylee ain't comin', does that mean we can eat now?" Jayne interrupted, seemingly oblivious to the tension around him while food was on the table.

"Do what you want," Mal muttered indifferently and then sat back down, as if finally coming to his senses. Zoe was the only one who dared to make eye contact with Mal while he was in such a state, raising an eyebrow at him after meeting his frustrated gaze. That was just her subtle way of reprimanding him for his outburst, but Mal only grunted in her direction. He knew that his hostility toward the doctor in regard to this issue was unfair, but this was half of his gorram crew they were talking about!

Truthfully, he had expected this to happen with Simon and River one day, but Kaylee… he never thought… those gorram shipboard romances! "So you said you asked her… what'd she say?" the captain asked curiously, thinking he might very well choke on his heart (which was somehow lodged in his throat at the moment).

"She said she'd think about it," Simon replied and Mal simply nodded, feeling somewhat relieved. He wondered if Kaylee's impending decision was driving her as crazy as it was him.

"Mmm, mmm, now that's finger lickin' good!" Jayne suddenly exclaimed, suckling his grimy hands to emphasize his point. Aside from the captain, who was looking down at the table in a daze, everyone gave Jayne a stern glare for his insensitivity. Noticing their stares, Jayne paused and asked, "What? Did I get somethin' in my teeth?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** I know that it's been a really, really, long time since I updated this story. I apologize for that. But also, life is busy and I can't guarantee that a new update will come anytime soon. I have a tendency to write the beginning and ending of stories, and then have trouble filling in the middle. Anyway, thank you all for you kind words and reviews, and I know I owe those of you who have taken the time to do so more than super-sporadic updates. I will try my best to do better :)

Anyway, a reminder - scenes in italics are memories of the past, and scenes in normal text are in the current timeline. Thanks for reading!

* * *

_An uncomfortable feeling nestled uninvitingly into the pit of Kaylee's stomach, a feeling that could only be defined as homesickness. After takeoff and a healthy dose of exploring, she had decided that it was time for her to go to sleep. Once she'd settled in bed, though, a strange kind of loneliness had overwhelmed her. The steel-gray surroundings of her bare room only seemed to emphasize that ache._

_ Kaylee supposed that these feelings were only natural – after all, this was her first night ever away from home, and now she was millions of miles away. She briefly entertained the idea of finding the captain, but then quickly decided against it, not wanting to bother him. The last thing she wanted was for him to regret taking her on, even though in her gut she knew he wouldn't react that way. Still, it was better to be safe than sorry. She could always go and see if Zoe and Wash were around somewhere. Zoe, although quiet, seemed to be warmhearted, and Wash was a pretty funny guy. Yet, there was really only one voice that she needed to hear right now._

_ Grabbing a sheet from her bed, she left her room and headed to the engine room, the heart of _Serenity_. Upon entering, she immediately felt better – comforted, even. The rusty, earthy tone of the room made it seem warmer and more welcoming than her bedroom. Looking around, she found two hooks on the wall and knotted the ends of her bed sheet into them, creating a makeshift hammock. It was pretty shabby, but it would do for now. _

_ Settling herself on the sheet, Kaylee let the gentle hum of _Serenity_ lull her to sleep._

* * *

Hearing a light knocking sound, Kaylee turned her head to see the captain standing at the doorway of the engine room. His presence hadn't surprised her, really. Like clockwork, he always managed to find her when she was upset.

"Hey, Cap'n," she said with a tired smile, still lying on her hammock. Instinctively she held out her hand to him, and felt warm inside when he clasped it in his.

"Hey there, little Kaylee. Hope I'm not disturbin' you none," he said quietly and her smile grew brighter at his thoughtfulness.

"You know you're not," she told him and squeezed his hand for a moment to emphasize her point. "Sorry I wasn't at dinner."

"Not a problem," he replied. "I would have saved you some grub, but my crew's a bunch of pigs," he said with a light smile.

At that she laughed and said, "It's alright, I wasn't all that hungry anyways." She saw his expression change and she braced herself, intuitively knowing that the conversation was going to take a more serious turn.

"The doctor had a lot to talk about during dinner," Mal said slowly, as if picking his words carefully. "I hear you have a hard decision to make."

She didn't respond and just looked away, but kept her hand wrapped tightly in his. After a long moment she looked up at him, her eyes wide and pleading, and asked, "Cap'n, what should I do?"

His sigh indicated to her that he wasn't going to give her an answer, and she was right. "Kaylee, you know I can't make that decision for you," he told her, but his eyes looked as if he were holding something back.

"Well what do _you _think I should do?" she asked, hoping that he'd release whatever he was hiding.

He waited a long moment before skillfully avoiding her question. "Does the doctor make you happy?" he asked.

"Yes," she replied honestly. _But so does Serenity. So do you._

"And I don't remember a time when you weren't excited to take a break from space and head into town," he continued. "Maybe it's about time you went and got yourself settled somewhere. It might do you some good to get off this boat and live yourself a respectable life."

"So you want me to leave?" she accused, pulling her hand away from him. She could immediately tell from the expression on his face, though, that he didn't mean that at all.

"Come on Kaylee, this is hard for me too," was all he said in response. And she could see that it was. Her decision would have immense consequences, not just for her but for the captain too. Wash and Shephard Book, well they were... and then after Miranda, Inara had left. Now, Simon and River were leaving beyond a doubt. If she left too, then the captain would only have Zoe and Jayne left. Zoe still wasn't back to her old self yet, still suffering from the loss of her husband, and Jayne was… well he wasn't the most sentimental of souls. The captain's family was falling apart.

Even knowing what it might cost him, he was still encouraging her to do whatever would make her happy. She felt a deep wave of fondness for him upon realizing that. Her eyes met his and asked for forgiveness, and she could tell from his expression that he understood. His hand moved toward her face and affectionately stroked her cheek, as he had done so many times before, and he gave her a slight smile.

"I should go. Looks like you have a lot of thinkin' to do," Mal said softly.

"Looks like," Kaylee sighed, reveling in the feel of his hand on her face. It was gone all too soon, though, and she shuddered at the sudden cold that pulsated through her body. Waving goodbye as he walked away, she wondered why she felt more confused than ever.

* * *

_It didn't take long before the ship started feeling like home to Kaylee. She and _Serenity_ just seemed to click right away. But there was still something a little off, something just not right. _

_ And then she realized what it was. If this place felt like a home, it needed to look like a home. So, she got the captain's permission to do some decorating and at the next port bought some paint and brushes with the wages she had earned._

_ It took two whole days for her to paint the dining room yellow, and then another couple to coat the wall with flowers, but she had done it. And it looked good. Damn good. More importantly, though, it looked warm and inviting, like a real home. _

_ "You did quite a job," the captain said, walking up behind her and echoing her thoughts. He had been hesitant at first to allow Kaylee to decorate the ship, nauseated at the thought of pink bunnies or something of the like etched throughout his ship. But at the hopeful look in her eyes, he was helpless to do anything but nod with consent. He managed to justify his moment of weakness later, telling himself that looking at butterflies and fairies was easier to deal with than having a mopey mechanic. Still, he couldn't help but feel relieved as he glanced around the dining room to see it looking… well, rather nice actually. It was feminine, but certainly not girly. Cheerful, but not off-putting. In fact, the more he thought about it, the more he found that the room reflected the girl who painted it. Upon noticing this, his fondness for the room grew tenfold._

_ "It's shiny, ain't it Cap'n?," Kaylee asked happily, beaming at him. She was proud of her work, that was for certain._

_ He smiled tenderly at her and replied, "Yep, little Kaylee, it's shiny alright." Laughing when he noticed a splotch of paint her on cheek he said, "You just can't ever manage to keep crud off your face, can you? If it's not engine grease, then it's paint."_

_ "Hey!" she said, pretending to be offended and picked up a paint brush. "Maybe you're right. But it's better than having crud in my hair," she replied and flicked the brush at him, so that little droplets of red paint settled in his brown locks._

_ "Oh, you're going to pay for that," he said mischievously and grabbed another paintbrush, dousing her in green._

_ Soon colors were flying every which way until they both were on the ground, laughing and covered with paint. Anyone witnessing the scene would have likely marveled at how the young mechanic always managed to bring out such an amiable side in the gruff and jaded captain._

_"You're cleaning this up, you know," he told her with an unconvincingly stern voice, and she grinned at his attempt to sound all captain-like after their juvenile antics._

_ "Yeah, yeah, I know," she said and sighed happily, feeling completely at home._

* * *

The next morning had a gloomy feel to it, and Kaylee was sure that it'd be raining if there were any clouds in space.

She had made her decision. It had been hard, but Simon and the captain were right. It was time that she thought about her future and moved on with her life. Simon loved her and wanted to marry her someday. He'd make her happy. It was the right choice.

Yet, somehow, she felt like she was losing more than just a home.


End file.
